So Down in the Earth

Dont look down me...yet, I am kind of sort of and willing to give it up..

stand in between live or dead....what do I looking for my future...

no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope....

future is not shine there for me..

what do I want?

wait and see....

Should I just let go

It is the time to let go or just like a blanket hanging up in backyard....

What for?

Should I bring my blanket back to room? stroage or reuse?

or just throw out?

watch all people who's have the releationship....

no one like my situation....

every time I need him....he is not there with me....yep, when he need me...I didnt feel he need me there....

yes, I am crying to think the break up...

what do I care now? just 3 years only...

I lost my Mom, now I lost my job and my friend Candice hate me....my love not here with me....he cn just do what ever he need to do and can be not calling me...
telling me he is missing me....

he said he love me...but I dont feel the deep inside love from him....

oh well, what can I do?

just think

Selfish Bugger in the World

I am lost my self now....

Never know I am such bad friend to Candice!

She brough out all my past...counting on my drama isuues....

some I even not remember....yes...I am bad....

guesss she hate me....

why? she said she see thru my true face

what's my true face?

but I got the clue...

the friendship in between she and me is over....

I might be a bad friend, I might a selfish ego bugger....

but never try to remember what friend done to me in past...

I had to face t..the friendship is over by now....

20 years ago...the old story, what did I done to her....she never forget about it....

But girl...20 years ago....I am FOB, how could I know the 1800 number is not free to call?

Said when you are really really depressed, I ask you help....girl...remember I just moved out from my ex-bf house....it was run away move out...
I dont have any thing....

then after.. I am suffer in depressed too.....

I never know how to sweet talk to people around me...

first time I said to my mother, and tell her I love her...it was face her cold body....

I missing Geby so so so much...and hate me self why not spend more time with him....damn it my depressed....I even missing the chance to tell Geby I love him..before he closed his eyes.

only I can do just kiss his cold face.............

I pray to the God, I willing cut my life to my mother and my father....

but my mother is gone forever, I only have my father now...only my father...

God remember, I dont need to have long life, but my father need it...I want my father can have grand grand childern.....

God, remember I dont want live long.....